Grief in Wisconsin: Sharing Your Story with Strangers

This is part 3 of the lessons I learned about grief while traveling. To read part 2 from Guatemala, click here. If you want to read from the beginning, read Facing My Grief in Indonesia: Where It All Began

If you don’t know, I work with people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. I have been doing this since I was literally 10 years old, and I have never stopped. In fact, most day it’s hard to even try to see anything else I’m good at.

My dad died in the summer of 2015. A year later, in 2016, I went to Wisconsin for the entire summer to work at a camp for people with disabilities. I had tried to do this a couple times before but never found the opportunity. Finally, I had a connection at this camp in Wisconsin, and of course, I took it.

I had done a camp like this for a week as a college course, and I loved it. That’s when I got the mental confirmation I needed to feel confident going into the summer.

This isn’t even close to the point I’m trying to make, but I think it’s important to mention. Camps like these are amazing. Yes, it’s extremely hard mentally and physically. But, you learn how to truly bring about joy in another person’s life in the simplest of ways. You learn how to push your mind and body in an intense yet rewarding way.

Working at a Camp for People with Disabilities

At these camps, there are people from literally around the world who come to work here. Summer camps like the ones in America don’t exist in other countries. Young adults around the world loving getting the opportunity to spend 3 months in America. A lot of times people are unsure about working at camps for people with disabilities. But, the people that say yes are really special.

For a lot of people, they don’t really even know the full extent of what they are getting themselves into. After a couple weeks, though, you see them shine and show their talents in beautiful ways.

They learn how to do personal care for people who can’t do it for themselves. They learn how to help someone do activities they never get to do unless they are at camp. In the end, they learn how to give people with disabilities the ability to feel “normal” for a week and just have fun.

This type of camp is so special. The people who work there are even more special. In fact, these people are still some of my best friends to this day. They have gone through hardship and hilarity with me like no one else has. It’s something that bonds you in a way that can’t be explained.

That’s why it’s crazy to me that I was even scared to share my story with them. It’s crazy to think that they wouldn’t be open to hearing my pain and my heartache. But, it’s a lesson I had to learn and that I keep on learning. It’s okay to share your story.

Being Around Strangers

I had gone through a lot in the year leading up to me going to camp. And here, I knew no one. I kind of knew the Camp Director, but no one on my level. About three weeks into camp, I just convinced myself that it would be okay. I didn’t need to share my story with these people. I was handling it, and I was handling it well.

Then, the anniversary of my dad dying happened. It was June 24th, the day before the anniversary, and I just couldn’t handle it. It was a reminder of everything that had happened. I was making plans with my friends for what we would do that weekend since it was a Friday and we had weekends off.

It hit me. I needed to go home for the weekend. I needed to be with my mom. How would I explain that to them? Did I share why I needed to spontaneously go to the airport? Did I just make up another story?

Why was I afraid of sharing this deeply personal thing about myself? Was I afraid it would make me feel too vulnerable? Or, did I just not want to deal with it – with the emotions that would inevitably come out?

It was definitely the latter. I was afraid to face my grief myself. Even after just the summer before I learned my lesson on why I shouldn’t hide my grief, I still hadn’t come to terms with it. Then, in the most vague way possible, I shared the real reason with them.

I remember it like it was yesterday. We were sitting in one of the cabins just casually talking, and it wasn’t a big group. I just told them that it was the anniversary of my dad dying and that I needed to go be with my mom for the weekend.

Sharing My Story

It felt good. It felt like a weight had been lifted off me. But, why was it a secret in the first place? Why was I hiding the story of my dad, my best friend? It felt so silly all of a sudden. Here I was, acting like these people who had already seen my strengths and weaknesses fully come out working with our campers, couldn’t handle my story.

I seemed to have forgotten that everyone has a story. Mine was fresh and I was still really struggling with my grief, but what if they had a story they wanted to share? What if by sharing my story, everyone else was opened up and there was space to allow more vulnerability and unity?

They reacted in the normal way. There was nothing special or different about it, but they were surprised, because they had no idea. I mean, why would they? I sure as heck hadn’t mentioned it.

So, I went to Nashville that weekend. It was good. I felt relaxed to grieve with my mom and reminisce on memories with my dad. But quickly enough, it was time to go back to Wisconsin. After a long flight delay, I arrived late Sunday night.

And you know what? I was greeted with a card from all the staff on their well wishes and that they were thinking of me that weekend. Even though I was afraid to tell everyone except for a small group, those people had shared it and that small gesture made me feel loved.

Even though some people couldn’t relate, there were others who did. There were some people who shared their stories with me. There were some people who then felt comfortable enough to open up to me about their own struggles.

Why You Should Share with Strangers

Yes, sometimes it can be too exhausting to share something so deeply personal with people you don’t know. Sometimes, it can hurt to give up that piece of you or wonder if you can trust these feelings with another person. But, I found that I was able to then create the space for me to grieve.

I was able to be more open and share my stories. These people I really barely knew were able to share their stories with me. I wasn’t afraid to show my weakness and my vulnerability anymore. I didn’t feel like I had to hide my grief or push it back like I had been doing.

While it wasn’t comfortable to share it, grief isn’t comfortable. Grief is painful and messy and unique for everyone. By sharing that weakness, it can create space. It can create space for open conversation and more connection with people you don’t even know. It can allow room for total strangers to come together over shared feelings or similar experiences.

After all, we are all human. We all face struggles and heartache and grief and pain. But, in the end, when you open yourself up to others, you can gain so much more.

It’s just like what I say with travel, but it pertains to strangers or people in general. When you travel and go to new places with new experiences, your mind is opened up to the possibility of something more. Your mind is in a state to see what you couldn’t see before. You gain perspective.

With other people and having these tough conversations with other people, you open yourself up to new perspectives. You start to stop hiding within your own mind and your own bubble, and you can see the world as a whole. It’s no longer just my little piece of my life experience.

Open Your Heart

By sharing my grief with these strangers, I was able to gain perspective and learn from them. I was able to open my heart up to be loved and to not feel so alone. I was able to stop stuffing my brain with feelings and emotions, and I was able to show that vulnerability is accepted with me.

It can hurt to open your heart. But, it’s worth it. If you don’t, you will only be holding yourself back by carrying that burden alone. Grief will overrun your mind and your heart, and you will experience loneliness. But sometimes, strangers are just what you need. They aren’t biased, and they can just simply listen and be there.

Most times, people want to have conservation and learn. They want to be there for others, and they are okay with the pain sometimes even more than the people closest to us.

Honestly, I think about the times I meet someone on an airplane or at a bar. I learn amazing things about life. I hear stories and different life experiences than my own. It’s refreshing, and again, it puts life in perspective.

Find those people that give you that feeling of genuine curiosity. If you are in a crowd of new people, be okay with sharing part of yourself. You never know if someone else is going through that same thing too. You never know if they are fighting a similar battle and your story gives them the courage to share.

Conclusion

Grief is something that for so long I wanted to keep all to myself. I didn’t want to put that burden on others, and I didn’t want to open my heart to feel that pain again or show my weakness. But, I learned and am still learning how to be okay with sharing my story.

Everyone has one. Everyone has a story. Mine might be this, but another person’s could be completely different. Whatever it is, the world needs more vulnerability. The world needs more people willing to share their stories, because it’s the best way for human connection.

In different places across the world, in new environments, people can connect on a basic human level just by sharing their stories. It’s so important.

And, most importantly, I want you to know that your story matters.

Again, to read more about my first lesson on grief in my travels, go to Facing My Grief in Indonesia: Where It All Began

To read more about grief, go to Stop Telling People Who Grieve That They Are Strong

And as always, please reach out to me if you need someone to talk to, or you have your own lesson you’ve learned about grief.